Families, marriage, respect...

I'm reading an incredible book, which, by the way, is not on my book list for this spring..oops! The book is My Heart's At Home by Jill Savage. I'm only a little way into the book and I have to say it is so empowering.

Jill says that the book is geared toward helping women become 'intentional moms'. The life lessons she provides are real, honest, down to earth and can be translated into our daily lives easily. She offers practical advice about making our homes a safe haven in today's world and by doing so, we are making over ourselves into those 'intentional moms' she speaks about!

Last night I was able to put one of her lessons into practice and much to my amazement, it worked incredibly well! Jill emphasizes the fact that homes need to be places where we feel respect, but it's usually the one place where we let our guards down enough that respect slowly oozes away from us. That has definitely been true in our house.

At bedtime I went in to tell Josh that we had forgotten Pritsha's (our cat) birthday. He glared at me in fustration and muttered some ill-mannered phrase. It hurt, because while it wasn't important to him, it was important to me and he could have chosen a better way to respond to me. Instead of lashing out in anger as I normally would have which would have resulted in a huge argument and dissolved into us acting like children, I simply said 'Josh, I really feel disrespected when you act like that towards me.' He was quiet for a moment and said 'I'm sorry.' He didn't ask for my forgiveness like Jill suggests, but this was a huge step forward for us--I didn't react in anger, and he apologized! Amazing! I can tell it made such a huge difference to me! I went to bed very happy instead of seething and carrying it over to poison the next day.

Then something else happened! I asked him if we needed to do something (turn on the heater for our daughter--I'm always cold..he's a much better judge of temp!) and he said 'No. I don't think so.' Then he said, 'Good idea, though!' WE WERE BEING POLITE! Normally, being polite is the furthest thing from the conversations that occur in our home! I was so ecstatic!

It just takes a simple step forward and you can make such a huge difference in your home life. I'm eagerly looking forward to more of Jill's insights into building a firm foundation for our family!

I'm in a LOVE mood...

The jazz music playing on the blog, Harry Conick, Jr's smooooooooooooooth voice, visions of puppy and kitty Valentine's cards dancing in my head and sickly sweet conversation hearts...*sigh*

Actually I should be in a 'get your butt out of the chair and go to the store for milk and batteries' kind of mood since we're about to be hit with a huge snow storm. Bah! But who wants to be in that mood over the looooooooooooooooooooooove mood??? (insert swooning women and cupid here please) Certainly not me!

Ah, but I jest. Actually I kind of like the thought of being snowed in with my family (save the fact that our house is a shambles....ok so I get a little overzealous with things and then run out of steam. Such is life). But I really do. We're snowed in. We're forced to be together. We're cozy, generally happy and tonight we're having homemade Chinese food (as our menu got pushed around a little bit!) and watching movies. How much fun is that?

I love this time with my family! Who knows? Maybe I'll pull out the pink and red heart covered paper plates and red napkins for tonight. Wouldn't that just set the perfect tone ;)

At any rate, Reagan's nap should be ending soon and I really should get to the store...why is it people always buy milk when there's almost a 100% chance of the power going out? Who knows? But if it does...at least I'll have snow to bury it in!

I'm so nervous....

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. First, we received our requested adoption packet from a local agency today. We met all requirements except one: You must be infertile, unable to carry a child to term or advised by your doctor to not get pregnant. How about: my child and I both almost died during delivery? Does that count??? I was absolutely appalled that they would reject us for that reason. But I'm not backing down...I'm calling my OBGYN and asking for a statement to be filed in my medical records that she advises I do not get pregnant again.

HOWEVER, in case that doesn't work out, I contacted the only other adoption agency in our area today...and speaking to them was WONDERFUL. It just felt 'right'. They're more expensive, but I think it might be well worth it to go with someone we feel comfortable with.

We talked about what we would like...a little boy, most races are acceptable, anywhere from newborn to 1.5 years in age. And she told me what to expect, that we'd probably get an African American boy, a newborn, and spend approximately $20,000.00 and it would take about 2 years. I had expected all of that and with the exception of the expenses, that works perfectly fine for us.

Luckily Josh's insurance company is giving us a $6,000.00 credit towards adoption, so that leaves about $14,000.00--luckily there is a tax credit of $12,000.00, so we'll be reimbursed (HOPEFULLY) for all but about $2,000.00--however we have to come up with all initial expenses!

You would think the insurance company would be willing to foot the bill entirely since $20,000.00 is a drop in the bucket compared to my prenatal care (towards the end I was going in twice a week and having all kinds of tests run every visit, so it was about $2-$3k each week!), my hospital stay, my C-Section, Reagan's initial hospital stay (NICU), Reagan's second hospital stay (PICU), er visits for both of us, her aftercare and my aftercare! If I were them I'd be begging us to adopt!

Ugh. So much to consider. Keep us in your prayers...

I'm married to a pretty nice guy!

Tonight when Josh came home we were in the middle of a conversation about our daughter's sleep habits (or lack there of), when suddenly he stopped and said "Hey! Did you do something different with your hair?"

It took me a minute to remember that, yes, indeed, I did do something new with my hair! I had a good couple of inches chopped off today so it's a bob right below my cheeks. I'm so lucky to be married to someone who notices my new haircut even when I forget!

A conversation over dinner at our house...

I actually got up from dinner to blog this. At dinner tonight, Josh and Reagan decided to have an orange. He got up, retrieved a knife and scored the orange in four sections. I proceeded to explain to impatient Miss Reagan that she could have some as soon as Daddy cut the orange, and that Mommy wasn't sure exactly why Daddy was cutting the orange. Here was the conversation that followed:

Leah: Why do you cut your orange with a knife instead of just peeling it?
Josh: Because it gives me a definied surface area in which to peel, thereby lessening the amount of time I can peel that area and thereby lessening the time it takes to peel the orange as a whole.

At this point I just stared at him and asked "Who ARE you?" Yes. He really does talk like this. All the time.

New Years? BAH HUMBUG!

Can you tell my night did not go so well? It couldn't be because a certain little girl got up SEVEN times during the night and it couldn't be because between the hours of 1:30 am and 3:00 am, I was punched, kicked, tackled, had my hair pulled, had to endure listening to non-stop chatter and constant giggling and basically used as a human jungle gym. No, it couldn't be that...must have been something else. Grrrrr.

*Sigh* Reagan has GOT to stop waking up at night. I cannot go on without sleep. That's it, we're back to Cry It Out.

I love my little girl to death but enough is enough already. Mommy needs sleep in order to be an even somewhat effective member of the human race. Wish us luck. The war begins tonight.

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Aha! So, today during lunch I happened to see this little hole in Reagan's gum and a teeny tiny sliver of grayish-white tooth peeking out. So I guess we know what last night's problem was...her 9th tooth! Poor baby has been chewing like a rabid dog on anything she can get her mouth on! Needless to say, tonight she is going to bed with Tylenol!

Speaking of which, I hear her fussing around in there now.............

HAPPY NEW YEAR! (and a fantastic chili recipe!)

Only a little over two hours to go! Reagan has been asleep since 6. Josh and I have made dinner, watched Pirates III all the way through (finally!) and now that I have a headache from crying (yes, I cry at all sad movies) I decided to jump online to post (a very sad commentary on the status of our romantic life I'm afraid--but really, we ARE new parents!)

Josh and I did decide to start a new tradition this year and make chili for every New Years Eve--I can't wait til Reagan can join us! In the grand old southern tradition, we will be having black eyed peas tomorrow! However, if you're interested in making a killer chili recipe any time soon (since those of us here in the northern midwest will be stuck in a snowstorm for the next couple of days, this is a great opportunity!), here is the one we came up with for this year! Enjoy!

Ingredients:
1 to 1 1/2 lbs of good lean ground beef
1/2 lg onion, diced
2 tbsp butter
2 15 oz cans of red kidney beans (we like the dark red)
1 can of tomatoes and green chilies
1/2 7 oz can of diced green chilies
1 can of tomatoes, crushed
1/2 to 3/4 cup salsa, mild
shot of blended whiskey
the following, to taste:
cilantro
black pepper
red pepper
chili powder
paprika
garlic powder
parsley flakes
*we also added a bit of Mrs. Dash Southwest Chipolte seasoning blend
toppers (optional):
shredded cheese
sour cream

Brown beef with onion. In the meantime, open the kidney beans, drain and rinse. Place in large stockpot with enough water to cover, add butter. Simmer for 15 minutes. Add beef and onion mixture. Add tomatoes, chilies, whiskey and all seasonings to taste (we rarely ever use exact measurements in this house!). Simmer on med-low heat for 30-40 minutes. The whiskey gives it a wonderful mellow taste and the seasonings really add some intense heat!

Serve warm with corn muffins or crackers and toppings! Enjoy!

Oh, back to Pirates for a moment. *WARNING: SPOILER ALERT!!! TURN BACK NOW IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE THIRD MOVIE!!*

Ok, I gave you a chance!

Seriously, did they HAVE to kill Will?? And what is with Elizabeth playing hard to get through three movies??? ENOUGH ALREADY! What a moron..hello???? ORLANDO BLOOM???? Marry him already! Ok, those of you who watched the movie know she DID marry him in this one. And I have to admit I couldn't think of a more romantic setting...swords flying, fishmen, a rotting ship.................*sigh* just what every girl dreams of. Anyway, back to Will/Orlando.

Josh thinks I just like him as Legalos in Lord of the Rings. In fact he gets great enjoyment out of poking fun at my fantasy. And I have to admit the green tights and long blonde hair were really doing the trick for me...............buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut.....that pirate garb really does wonders for him too. So, Orlando, if you're out there *and you KNOW you're reading this blog* do yourself (and ME) a favor and stock up on the eye patches, open neck shirts and breeches..hello? Is it getting warm in here or is it just the chili?

Alright, enough is enough for me. I'm going to enjoy a glass of champagne, celebrate the New Year early and hop into bed with my new best friend..my heating pad! YOU try lifting a 22+ lb child every day all day!

Happy New Year Everyone! May God bless you richly and may this year hold much joy for you all!

Happy Belated Birthday Baby!

Since this blog didn't exist on Reagan's birthday, (her birthday was actually the 18th--exactly one week before Christmas!), I'm taking this opportunity to say Happy Birthday to my beautiful child!! We celebrated on the 15th--see photos below and had such a great time celebrating her and the joy she has brought to our lives. We had breakfast with Santa that morning and later on, her frog princess birthday party...these are a very slim selection of the pictures..most are on Grandma's camera! On her actual birth DAY, Josh and I took her out to lunch, shopping and for rides on the carousel!

If you weren't around for Reagan's birth or you never heard the entire story, here is her birth story, well, in part. Many details have been left out simply because there is so much that happened.

I had been having a lot of complications with my pregnancy. The last fews months that I was actually pregnant, my doctor had been having me come in twice a week (Mondays and Thursdays) for non-stress tests, bloodwork and various other things. I went in Thursday, December 14th and everything was as fine as it could be considering the circumstances.

Monday, December 18th, I went in and Reagan's heartbeat was extremely low...in the 80s...I started getting really upset but my doctor thought perhaps it was my heartbeat they were hearing. So they had another tech come in and find Reagan's heartbeat...it was really sluggish still but much higher..into the 120s and 140s. My doctor decided it was sluggish enough to warrant a bio-physical (ultrasound).

I thought everything was fine because the tech even took pictures and was smiling and talking to me...but then she sent me into the hall to wait for my dr. My dr. said there were some problems...Reagan had developed fluid around her lungs. She was going to admit me then but I didn't have bags packed or anything..so she told me to go home and prepare myself for a possible C-Section while she spoke with some specialists in Indianapolis. I received a call later saying I definitely had to get in for a C-Section, it was an emergency at this point.

Josh and I arrived at the hospital and were put into L&D for monitoring. Someone from the NICU came up to talk to us and said they weren't sure what was going to happen, but Reagan was having some serious complications and they had Riley Children's Hospital and Samaritan (the helicopter) on standby and they were waiting on the pediatric cardiologist to arrive. I went into hysterics and the NICU representative was asked to leave by my nurse. I was completely unprepared for what I was told.

A little while later, I was wheeled into surgery and at 8:39 p.m. Reagan was delivered. She wasn't crying..it was so quiet in the delivery room...and the NICU nurses, cardiologists and neonatologists started working on her immediately...as soon as they stabilized her they showed her to me for about..literally a second..holding her up as they wheeled her out. Josh went with Reagan. As soon as they left I started having a lot of heart problems, I was violently throwing up so they couldn't get me sewed back up, I was losing too much blood--I really thought I was going to die--I heard my doctor and nurses arguing and I heard my dr say something about she couldn't do anything because I was shaking so uncontrollably..I actually heard her say oh no, so Iwas really scared at that point. But, long story short, my dr is incredible and she and the team working on me did a great job getting me back together.

I was really out of it for the next several days though..Icouldn't even really get it through my head that Reagan was my child. Reagan spent almost a week in the NICU, -I was in the hospital almost as long-she seemed to get healthy so fast at first in light of all the problems. The drs said that if my OB hadn't been so vigilent, that if Reagan had been allowed to go just a few more days, we would have lost her. She had so many problems, a virus--we don't know how she got it because I tested negative for it...it was Parvo/Fifth's Disease..fluid around her lungs, heart problems, PDA, apnea, severe reflux, pretty bad jaundice. I can't remember if there was anything else wrong..as I said, I was really out of it. T

The last night in the NICU we were allowed to sleep with her in the NICU family room, she had a bililight (I think that's what it was called...the large one). Well, it lost it's wheel and almost crashed down on her...if it would have hit her, she would definitely have not survived. Luckily, I thank God, Josh was right beside her and caught it. I'm soo soo thankful..if it had been just me there, there is no way I could have have caught it because my reflexes were so off.

They finally allowed us to go home with her. We were home for 6 hours..the monitor kept going off, her heart rate coudln't stay high enough...back to the hospital. We were admitted into a regular hospital on a regular ward. The next day we were transferred by ambulance to the main hospital she had been born in, this time into the pediatric ward (once you leave the NICU, you can't go back in due to the fact that it is a sterile ward only for newborns).

In the pediatric ward they began tons of testing. We were there a few hours, and yet another nurse came in to do testing. Reagan was so still and quiet in my arms and the nurse kept saying she didn't like how unresponsive Reagan was, that she was too quiet, too still, too pale. I kept telling her Reagan was fine because I was watching the heart monitor and I knew as long as it was over 100 she was fine. I guess it didn't register (again, I was still recovering from the medication I was on) that the monitor was ONLY showing 100.

And then she started crashing. That was the worst moment in my life. Alarms were going off. Reagan wasn't responding. The nurse was frantic, Josh was running into the hallway...I just kept watching the heart monitor go lower and lower and I was sobbing and shaking reagan and the nurse had to yell at me and snatch her away from me because she said I was shaking her so hard I was choking her. And then so many doctors and nurses were running in with equipment and they started working on Reagan. Oh God. You can't even imagine. Our poor baby and all these people around her, working on her and we were helpless. I couldn't do anytihng for her, just sob. And then they were telling me they were getting her out of there and she was going into the PICU, and the nurses were carrying her down the hall with oxygen and monitors attached to her.

And we got there...I think it was Christmas Eve at this point. Her pedi had people lined up around her room waiting to do tests and scans on her heart, brain, lungs. He said he ran almost every test he could on a newborn--then he perfomed a spinal tap. He stayed with us almost all night until the preliminary results came back. I thank God they were negative. She stayed in the PICU for several more days until they could rule out further viruses, they pumped her full of antibiotics. Finally they felt she was well enough to go home, but on a monitor, tons of medication and on oxygen.

She came off the oxygen when she was almost a month, the medication at seven months and the monitor at nine months. Now she's a healthy, happy, beautiful and smart baby. And i am the luckiest mom in the whole world to have her.

Below is a picture of Reagan at two days old I believe, before she had more wires and oxygen attached. The second picture is of her now! As you can see, I have a very strong willed and determined child to make it through everything she went through!

Happy Birthday my sweet baby. You are the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I love you more than anything in the world. Mommy