I'm so nervous....

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. First, we received our requested adoption packet from a local agency today. We met all requirements except one: You must be infertile, unable to carry a child to term or advised by your doctor to not get pregnant. How about: my child and I both almost died during delivery? Does that count??? I was absolutely appalled that they would reject us for that reason. But I'm not backing down...I'm calling my OBGYN and asking for a statement to be filed in my medical records that she advises I do not get pregnant again.

HOWEVER, in case that doesn't work out, I contacted the only other adoption agency in our area today...and speaking to them was WONDERFUL. It just felt 'right'. They're more expensive, but I think it might be well worth it to go with someone we feel comfortable with.

We talked about what we would like...a little boy, most races are acceptable, anywhere from newborn to 1.5 years in age. And she told me what to expect, that we'd probably get an African American boy, a newborn, and spend approximately $20,000.00 and it would take about 2 years. I had expected all of that and with the exception of the expenses, that works perfectly fine for us.

Luckily Josh's insurance company is giving us a $6,000.00 credit towards adoption, so that leaves about $14,000.00--luckily there is a tax credit of $12,000.00, so we'll be reimbursed (HOPEFULLY) for all but about $2,000.00--however we have to come up with all initial expenses!

You would think the insurance company would be willing to foot the bill entirely since $20,000.00 is a drop in the bucket compared to my prenatal care (towards the end I was going in twice a week and having all kinds of tests run every visit, so it was about $2-$3k each week!), my hospital stay, my C-Section, Reagan's initial hospital stay (NICU), Reagan's second hospital stay (PICU), er visits for both of us, her aftercare and my aftercare! If I were them I'd be begging us to adopt!

Ugh. So much to consider. Keep us in your prayers...